


Clip Show

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Hatsune Miku Discussion, Naruto Discussion, Notch Mention, Revisionist History
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: This is just going to be where I put unfinished things I write that I'm never going back to but still like enough to post. I hope you find some enjoyment in them.
Kudos: 4





	1. A Purposeless Canyon Full of Horizontal Pillars, Three Characters Jumping Across Them For Several Episodes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Terezi talk about pacing issues in early episodes of Naruto Shippuden. Dirk is also there, for better or worse.

DIRK: Everyone on this show is dumb as shit. Respect to the classics and all, but every time anyone says anything the character they're talking to just repeats what they said but as a question.

Dirk's finger hovered over the next episode button, trying to figure out if this Naruto ending was not-annoying enough to let run.

ROSE: They just repeat everything?

DIRK: Yeah. I mean, are you even watching? You know what? This arc honestly sucks. I don't think any of these characters ever become relevant again. And if there's one thing I hate…

TEREZI: YOU H4T3 1RR3L3V4NT CH4R4CT3RS?

DIRK: Exactly. Okay, hold on, this OP slaps, honestly.

ROSE: Wow. I can't believe how much this OP slaps!

Dirk stares at Rose for a moment, trying to figure out the feeling of unease he has in her red glass eyes. He of course finds nothing.

Terezi starts to cackle but it turns into a coughing fit as she tries to force it away. Her red shades are just as unreadable.

DIRK: Yeah. Well, I mean, believe it. You--

Terezi can't hide the cackle any longer.

TEREZI: FUCK! H3 *4CTU4LLY* S41D 1T

ROSE: The two hour set up was worth it.

TEREZI: L3T'S NOT GO CR4ZY H3R3  
TEREZI: TWO HOURS 3QU4LS ROUGHLY S1X 3P1SOD3S OF 34RTH 4N1M3 N4RUTO SH1PPUD3N  
TEREZI: WH1CH 1S NOT WORTH 1T 3V3R

ROSE: Do not talk to me as if you know what Naruto Shippuden related suffering is. It's been two hours for your inferior organic brain. My incredibly powerful robot brain has been experiencing Naruto Shippuden for what you would consider eons. Often have I considered putting myself into sleep mode in hopes of escaping it.

Dirk hits the menu button on the player interface with more force than necessary, which would be noticeable if he weren't just angrily pressing a button on a remote control. He, with unnecessary dramatics, flops back onto his full scale replica throne from Akira (1988) (but with one of those floor cushion pillow things with the arms… wait, is it seriously called a husband pillow? Anyway one of those is on the throne). He huffs.

DIRK: So, what? You just watch Naruto Shippuden with me so that you can mock me? Is that it?

ROSE: Yes? I thought that was clear.

TEREZI: PR3TTY SUR3 W3 H4V3 S41D THOS3 3X4CT WORDS TO YOU

DIRK: Wow, excuse me for trying to do a bonding activity.

ROSE: Dirk, there are 500 episodes and we aren't even one fifth of the way through.

TEREZI: 1S TH4T M4TH CORR3CT?

ROSE: Yes, as previously stated I am an Incredibly advanced computer with legs.

TEREZI: 3MPH4S1S ON TH3 L3GS

Dirk sinks down on his throne.

DIRK: It is a classic. The relationship between Naruto and Sasuke is--

TEREZI: WHO?

DIRK: Oh, fuck you, you know who Sasuke is.

ROSE: He hasn't been on screen in maybe 25 episodes.

TEREZI: M4YB3? WOW 4M4Z1NG COMPUT3R BR41N! SUCH M4TH SK1LL

ROSE: My circuits are overheating from your flirtatious leg remark.

Dirk sighs, loudly.

DIRK: Okay, yes, Sasuke hasn't been physically present for a while. But he's always there in Naruto's mind. And his heart. And is reflected in Naruto's interactions with Sai, and Sora--

TEREZI: C43G4R STOR3 S4SUK3

Rose lets out a sigh of her own, which always sounds extra unnatural given her lack of a need to breathe.

ROSE: Dirk, I am warning you, right now and with total seriousness, if you start talking about how these characters are splinters of Sasuke I will go fully feral and break the TV in half.

DIRK: I can just make a new--

ROSE: Dirk.

TEREZI: W41T 1F 4NYTH1NG 1SN'T SOR4 4 SPL1NT3R OF N4RUTO?

ROSE: Terezi.

TEREZI: WH4T! 4M 1 WRONG? 1 M34N H3 L1T3R4LLY H4S 4 SPL1NT3R OF KUR4M4 1N H1M R1GHT? H3 1S 4 BOOTL3G J1NCHUR1K1! DON'T G3T M4D TH4T 1'M T3LL1NG TH3 R34L N4RUTO TRUTH H3R3 ROS3  
TEREZI: 1'M SORRY YOUR 4M4Z1NG ROBOT P4N DO3SN'T DO M3D14 L1T3R4CY

Dirk pulls his cape up over his head to hide his face.

His face is quickly uncovered by Rose.

ROSE: No. You do not get to hide from this. You set us down this path. We have both pleaded. Begged on our knees--

TEREZI: 1 H4V3 N3V3R

ROSE: Just let us watch another show, let us alternate what we watch. We don't have to only watch one show at a time to completion.

TEREZI: DON'T FORG3T H3 1NS1ST3D TH4T N4RUTO 4ND N4RUTO SH1PPUD3N 4R3 T3CHN1C4LLY ON3 SHOW!

DIRK: They are.

TEREZI: 1T SUCKS!

The outburst is sudden enough to startle Dirk. Rose doesn't startle but she was probably surprised by it.

TEREZI: TH3 4N1M4T1ON 1S SO B4D, D1RK! 1T M4K3S MY TONGU3 1TCH! HOW 1S TH3 4N1M4T1ON WORS3 TH4N TH3 N4RUTO *F1LL3R* 3P1SOD3S?  
TEREZI: 4ND 4ND 4ND…  
TEREZI: TH3 PUPP3T B4TTL3!

Rose lets out a pained metallic groan.

ROSE: Against Sasori? Was that his name? Sasori? I am not kidding, I have attempted to corrupt my memory files about those episodes.

TEREZI: S4SOR1! HOW COULD YOU 3V3R FORG3T W1TH HOW OFT3N TH4T OLD WOM4N S4YS H1S N4M3?

ROSE: Yes, while Naruto and Kakashi endlessly follow Deidara through that weird canyon with the trees or horizontal pillars or whatever going across? What is that canyon? What is its purpose?

Terezi slaps the armrest of Dirk's stone slab of a throne.

TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO W4TCH D4NG4NRONP4 3: TH3 3ND OF HOP3'S P34K H1GH SCHOOL

ROSE: And I've yet to finish Revolutionary Girl Utena.

DIRK: How have you not watched all of Utena?

Rose's eyes glow bright red for a moment before dimming once more. She speaks in a slow monotone.

ROSE: Because. We are watching. And have been watching. Naruto. That is all that we have watched. In this stupid cave. And on the accursed trip here. Because you're using the Naruto and Sasuke dynamic as a stand-in for your feelings for J--

DIRK: Yes, okay. But before that?

ROSE: Because preteen Rose Lalonde was not up on the whole anime thing, shockingly, and then. Oh, you know, the whole SBURB thing happened, which really got in the way of me discovering shows. Jade had recommended it and insisted I would really like it.

TEREZI: WH1CH S3NT 1T 4 F3W SPOTS DOWN YOUR PR1OR1T13S L1ST

ROSE: No. Well. Yes. In my defense, all I really knew about Jade's tastes were her horrid opinions on Squiddles and what furry art she chose to favorite on DeviantArt.

TEREZI: H3R F4V3S H4D SOM3 R34LLY GOOD DR4GONS THOUGH

DIRK: What?  
ROSE: What?

TEREZI: SH3 F4V3D GOOD DR4GONS! WH4T! WH3N W3 ST4RT3D T4LK1NG TO YOU DO YOU TH1NK W3 D1DN'T LOOK 4T YOUR W3B PR3S3NC3?

Rose sits on the arm of the throne, worldlessly, clothed metal ass on stone chair making a muffled clang.

TEREZI: Y3S, SH3 S4W YOUR F4NF1CT1ON DOT N3T 4CCOUNT

ROSE: Well, luckily my more scandalous works never made it onto the site, or I would feel a bit more embarrassed.

TEREZI: SH3 S4W YOUR F4V3S  
TEREZI: W3 4LL D1D

ROSE:

TEREZI: 1 M34N 4 LOT OF 1T D1DN'T M4K3 MUCH S3NS3 W1THOUT KNOW1NG 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT HUM4NS BUT


	2. Tell Your World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is flummoxed by Vriska Maryam-Lalonde's Old Earth History textbook. Nobody else really cares.

DAVE: holy shit

Everyone else paused their various conversations to look over at Dave, who was perched on the arm of the couch like a gargoyle, reading an Old Earth History textbook. The bi-monthly 'everyone meet up and have dinner together' dinner had just finished and moved into the living room to chat.

DAVE: have any of you ever read this like just paged through it because oh my god

ROSE: Hmm. No? Not really.

KANAYA: Maybe Once Or Twice  
KANAYA: When Vriska Was Having Trouble With An Assignment

ROSE: Out of the two of us, Vriska went to you for help with an assignment on Old Earth?  
ROSE: Not the parent who actually lived there.

KANAYA: You Were At A Fantasy Writing Convention I Believe

DAVE: way to stay abreast of your daughters academic progress rose wow

JADE: dave what the fuck?? rose is a great mother and shes doing the best she can

Rose coughed on a sip of water and Karkat rolled his eyes in a big way. Dave lifted his non-book-holding hand defensively.

DAVE: jokes jade i have jokes

JADE: you wish you had jokes!

ROXY: ANYWAY lol howsabout we underail this train of thot and get back to the textbook?  
ROXY: dave i have perused harry andersons textbook  
ROXY: what part of it did u find unusual?

DAVE: dude theres like three chapters in here about hatsune miku

ROXY: okay

DAVE: yeah thats it theres three chapters in here about hatsune miku  
DAVE: thats weird

Everyone stared at him.

DAVE: no come on i mean this book doesnt even mention the alamo but hatsune miku gets three chapters

ROXY: lmao what is the alamo

KANAYA: Is It An Earth Texas Thing  
KANAYA: Dave Always Gets Like This About Earth Texas Things

DAVE: karkat back me up here

KARKAT: OKAY, BUT. I ALSO DON'T KNOW WHO THE ALAMO IS.

DAVE: its a what  
DAVE: or a where i guess  
DAVE: look it was a part of history it was this fuckin fort and they had to defend it against mexico  
DAVE: uh santa ana  
DAVE: fuck uh there was the guy with the raccoon hat and the bowie knife guy rose help me out here

ROSE: David Bowie.

DAVE: yeah wait no  
DAVE: not david bowie

JOHN: yeah, david bowie and his big knife.

DAVE: oh my god fuck you both  
DAVE: karkat i know you dont know the alamo but this is where youre supposed to go who the fuck is hatsune miku

KARKAT: OKAY. BUT I KNOW ABOUT HATSUNE MIKU. I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

DAVE: how do you know who--

KARKAT: WE WATCHED THAT DOCUMENTARY ON HER? YOU STARTED GOING OFF WHEN THEY SAID SHE MADE MINECRAFT AND WERE TALKING ABOUT EMAILING THE STUDIO?

JADE: oh my god i remember that  
JADE: what is your problem with hatsune miku?? her songs are really good!

DAVE: i dont have a problem with hatsune miku but she didnt make minecraft that guy did  
DAVE: the shitty guy with the hat  
DAVE: and the candy mansion  
DAVE: roxy you told me about the candy mansion

ROXY: OHHHH shit yeah no you're right!  
ROXY: fuckin notch

JOHN: wait, didn't he steal minecraft?

ROSE: Yes, from Hatsune Miku. The true creator of Minecraft.

Dave closed the textbook and sat it down on Karkat's lap. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

DAVE: im being gaslit right now  
DAVE: youre all gaslighting me  
DAVE: look hatsune miku is very cool and there are a lot of very good hatsune miku songs

JOHN: i like the one with the juice.

John, Jade, and Roxy began to sing the beginning of PoPiPo.

ROSE: Oh, yeah, and the leekspin one. I like that one.

KARKAT: IEVAN POLKKA. HAVE YOU SEEN THE DOCUMENTARY? THEY REALLY GO INTO SOME SONGS THAT WERE SEEMINGLY EARTH A EXCLUSIVE ACCORDING TO OLD EARTH HISTORIANS.

ROSE: No, I didn't catch that.

KARKAT: I'LL SEND YOU A PLAYLIST.

ROXY: i wish dirk would get off his ass and come to these things! dude knows so much about miku  
ROXY: hes a walking mikupedia

DAVE: look  
DAVE: im just saying three chapters is excessive

KARKAT: SHE WAS THE PRESIDENT OF DOMINO'S PIZZA. AND I THINK WHATEVER JAPAN IS.

DAVE: i dont think either of those is true  
DAVE: you would be so pissed right now if they were this ill informed about troll will smith or whatever

KANAYA: Oh Yes Because As We Know There Is Definitely A Very Rich And Deep Curriculum Being Taught About Alternian Culture In Earth C Schools

KARKAT: YEAH, IN TERMS OF PRE-EARTH C TROLL HISTORY WE GET A LIST OF NOTABLE TROLL INVENTIONS AND A LAUGHABLY SANITIZED VERSION OF THE STORY OF THE SUFFERER. OH, WAIT, AND HOW YOU ALL BEAT THE IMPERIAL CONDESCENSION. CAN'T FORGET THAT.  
KARKAT: SOME OF YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE AND SOMEHOW GOT CREDIT FOR IT.  
KARKAT: SORRY IF I DON'T SHARE YOUR OUTRAGE OVER AN EMBELLISHED HISTORY OF HATSUNE MIKU AND A LACK OF EARTH TEXAS AMALO-BASED CURRICULUM.

KANAYA: I Try Not To Bring It Up Because Well  
KANAYA: There Is Not Much To Be Done About It  
KANAYA: But Even In General Earth C Creation Myth We Are Kind Of A Footnote

The humans in the room looked uncomfortable, Roxy wincing.

ROXY: yeah i basically get credited as the savior of the troll race because of the matriborb thing  
ROXY: which is like SUPER fucked up  
ROXY: *matriorb

ROSE: And for some reason people get incredibly defensive when you try and tell them their thousands of years old histories and holy texts are incorrect.

KANAYA: We Have Been Trying To Bring Attention To These Issues

They would share a glance between themselves and seemingly clam up about the topic. Roxy sank down in her seat.

ROXY: look just  
ROXY: she isnt

She sighed.

ROXY: janey isn't BAD okay like she just??  
ROXY: jade?

Jade froze up like a deer in the headlights.

JADE: i'm not going to badmouth jane… but she could certainly be better about... a lot of topics

DAVE: wow jade you should run for political office with that noncommittal response  
DAVE: tell us about the economy

Jade grabbed a throw pillow and threw it at Dave, who deflected it, causing it to hit Karkat in the face.

JADE: im appointing hatsune miku as treasurer!!

KARKAT: FUCKING WATCH IT!

KANAYA: Yes Can We Perhaps Not Throw Things Please


End file.
